This means starting discussions with the right motives and staying focused on our end goal no matter what happens. In crucial conversations, we should start with the heart, specifically our own.
We should instead, be more introspective on how we can work on driving more meaningful conversations. This will limit the dialogue and progress that we can have with them. The first step towards achieving results you want is to fix the perception that others are the source of all your problems. With that, let’s dive into the steps to engage in crucial conversations. The time you spent initially building the shared pool of meaning pays off with a faster, more unified and committed action later on. Not only that, but since meaning is shared, people willingly act on whatever decisions they make - with unity and conviction.
#Crucial conversations summary free#
As a result of the free flow of meaning, the whole becomes better than the sum of the parts. They are exposed to more accurate information and makes better choice. As the Pool of Shared Meaning grows, it helps people in two ways. People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool, even if they don’t agree with it. When engaging in crucial conversation, we usually don’t share the same pool. They do so by filling the Pool of Shared Meaning. When it comes to risky and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information out in the open.
Instead, he ask an overarching question: How can I be 100% honest and yet at the same time, be 100% respectful? An example of this is thinking something along the line of “I can either suffer, or flare up at the person who seems to be the root cause of all my problems.” However, individuals like Kevin are able to see beyond that.
We believe in the Fool’s Choice, where we are stuck between two terrible options. Here is the key mistake that many of us makes in our conversations - We believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend. This is unlike many of his colleagues who kept quiet for fear of facing the wrath of their CEO. While the CEO of the company was pitching a terrible idea, he was the only one who bravely engaged in a crucial conversation in a respectful manner. Take Kevin for example, one of the eight VP who was identified by many in his company to be exceedingly influential. The good news is we don’t need to choose between being honest and effective at work. The most influential individuals in an organisation are ones who can get things done and at the same time, build relationships. In comparison, research has shown that engaging well in crucial conversation will help our relationships, career and even health. This results in unhealthy downward spirals that can see relationships ending. Even with tons of practice beforehand, conversations may still turn awry when we get an unexpected reply.We’re under pressure and emotions are running high.We often handle crucial conversations poorly for many reasons. This means a conversation with your boss regarding a promotion, or an argument with your spouse. It is simply put, any conversation where opinions vary, stakes are high and emotions run strong count for a crucial conversation. Given the depth of the book, I will only focus on the first few chapters on building mutual purpose and avoiding the Fool’s Choice.īefore that, let us define what a crucial conversation is. I also love how it is backed up by research as the team that wrote this book interviewed 20,000 people over 25 years to understand what makes an individual successful in their organisation.
#Crucial conversations summary how to#
The book provides good strategies on how to approach a conversation when stakes are high, and how to bring your point across effectively and cautiously. Instead, what I got were insights and strategies on how to deal with EVERY crucial conversations in life. I started reading this book hoping to get more perspective on how to deal with conversations at work.
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